At last, it is decided! Who truly is the best?

Published by M2J under Just Some Fun on February 27, 2004

The King Vs. The Clown Vs. The Red-Headed Step-Child

I took this project real serious. I did some homework and then dove out into the field. I found out some interesting things, dunno if they’re relevant to the food quality, but either way…Each company deserves some background info…

	So in 1954, McDonald’s was no more than a lil’ local burger joint in San Bernadino, California. A salesman, who they bought some eqiupment from, decided to try and put them through the roof. He set out to franchise, and he was appointed the agent by the founders of McDonald’s, Dick and Maurice McDonald. He finally gained a lot of power and money, and bought out the company. Ironically, he made the McDonalds change the name of the orginial McDonald’s, since he now owned the franchise and opened up a real McDonalds 1 block from them to put them outta business. He’ll burn in hell. it was only in the late 70s that Happy Meals began, and with that, a whole new sha-bammin’ campaign for McDonald’s, including that clown and all of those colorful characters. To date there are over 25 thousand of these places in the world.
	Ironically, in a different corner of the United States, down in Miami, Florida, spawned the first of many Burger Kings. There isn’t much more to the story then that. Burger King just rocked the house. A couple of years ago they tried to do the whole “kids meal” thing, and made the Burger King Kids Club, with some bizarre characters, but they all died in a fire. We got about 11 thousand of these around the world now.
	Then we have Wendy’s. Good story, food, eh. Dave Thomas hit this shit up in 1969 over in Columbus, Ohizzle. They DID innovate the drive-thru window, how ’bout that? Well anyway. Dave Thomas started it and it was his till his passing. No mutany or anything. Yay. There are only 6000 or so though…

So I went to all three of these places, to pit them against each other.

Then we have the burgers…have a look…

As you can clearly see, Wendy’s and McDonald’s look very similar…they also happen to taste similar. What makes them different exactly?

McDonald’s Layout: No one knows this better than me as a former employee. They have the bun, “small meat” (prepared via grill) as we called it in the kitchen, cheese, ketchup, pickle, and sliced onion.

Burger King’s Layout: Okay, check this shizzle out… Sesame seed bun, the meat (which is round and prepared via flame broil grilling, not press grilling), cheese, ketchup, and a pickle, nice pickle at that.

Wendy’s Layout: We got the bun, that odd square meat (also prepared by grilling), cheese, ketchup, pickle, but one more thing, and it pissed me off…this HUGE ass onion…wow. Talk about nerve….

There was MORE of it there to! the whole inside of the onion was filled with the rest of the onion, I just left that on the burger, because I wanted the fair and full Wendy’s experience. So I ate and ate and ate…

In the end, the answer was clear…

BURGER KING

That’s that. The smell and taste of McDonald’s and Wendy’s was virtually the same. Burger King was different and better.

I Don’t Care Much for Pokey Either…

Published by M2J under Rants on February 14, 2004

I hate Pokey

I never knew that this actually caught on and went anywhere, but apparently, Pokey the Penguin has achieved somewhat of a fan following over the last few years. My question is simply, “why?” I have nothing against the (crappy) drawings or anything, but…does the cartoon really make sense?? Here’s an example of a Pokey Cartoon:

I shit you not. There isn’t much difference from what I just threw on here and what the real comics have to offer. Is it just me? Here’s, however, an example of what should happen in a Pokey cartoon, it would at least give it some substance and enjoyment…

HAHAHAHA Did you see that? Pokey just disappeared and it turned out I was disguised as his sister all this time! Oh man…

 

Oh well, if nothing else…then soon they should have just one comic that ends with…

Dios Mios, now that’s Beautiful!

F*** Goku

Published by M2J under Rants on February 12, 2004

Okay okay okay, I know a lot of you faggots like Goku and wanna suck his dick and lick his “Dragon Balls” but hear me out. What the fuck is everyone doing, putting Dragon Ball Z up on this pedastool. Whenever you talk about super heros and characters from anything, ultimately, crossover battles become am issue (e.g. “Who would win? Superman or The Hulk?”) This expands to no end usually, but if you ever walk down the path of Dragon Ball Z, you find some jerk in that’ll say “DBZ fighters over everyone, it’s just on a different level completely, you gotta understand.” Like…does anyone stop and think for a minute that just maybe you should be judging the characters relatively to their universe? No, because the Dragon Ball Z fights all are clearly separated from everything else by making it plainly known that normal people like you and me have power levels of like 16 and Goku’s is like…3,023,443,016…and grows every 20 minutes. …but my question is, why does everyone accept this? Did anyone ever stop to think “Gee, that’s bullshit, the writers just made their characters the best.” Like hello, maybe there’s a chance that if you moved a hero (like say…Batman) onto the DBZ universe, his power level would be one that could at least contend with the DBZ fighters. I just can’t continue to see how people just accept such nonsense. Take wrestling, you can easily scale wrestlers to the power of DBZ level fighters. In the wrestling universe, yes, to some degree they have power levels, and you know what, if they were to cross over somehow into the DBZ crappy realm, they’d be somewhat on par. They wouldn’t all just be like, level 44. Goku has all these “omnipresent” feelings and senses, yet I do recall Krillin hitting him in the head with a rock…he didn’t see it coming. It hurt him. Now imagine if you will…that the rock wasn’t a rock…Imagine it was…I dunno, a Leg drop! Yes, a Leg -Drop from Hulk Hogan (who, by the way, is God) would win the fight. What would even constitute a victory. In wrestling it’s a 3 count. Hogan wouldn’t even have to completely kill him.

…no one gets up from the Hogan Leg Drop…BTW, “Gohan” is just “Hogan” wtih the “g” and “h” switched.

But yes, moving on, you see…DBZ didn’t do anything to be put on this high level of worship. Maybe if they made the cartoon really well. But it’s the same story, over and over. They’re all training, but when push comes to shove…only one of them is nearly strong enough, and suddenly, one of the other fighters emurges as the new hero for this battle. The fight goes on…for like…..6 months of TV. Everyday they show them standing there, bullshitting like girls on their period. Even though the Dragon Ball Z fighters are all so well trained and so well prepared, some jerk with funny looking stuff on them shows up and is way stronger. So they all team up on him and try to beat him, but it just seems like they all didn’t train enough, all is lost…they have failed, they were all counting on (Select: Goku, Gohan, Trunks, Vegetta) to be the savior. Then however, all of a sudden, one fighter reaches new potential…suddenly has become exponentially greater than they used to be, and suddenly (Select: Goku, Gohan, Trunks, Vegetta) wins the fight. …and only because we have been watching the same animation slide of them standing and talking for 6 months, we are finally satisfied to see the hero win with such vigor. Then 4 episdoes later, they show the big enemy of one series suddenly get beaten in 30 seconds by someone whose help would have been useful 7 episodes ago…sigh…

But the way I see it, if you just make up a super-hero/adventure story with characters that are all powerful always…then I can do that do, and you all can’t argue with me! So I have made a new hero for the masses. In his first few minutes of being on Earth, he ate Goku and shat him out…then burned the shit with his mind.

The face of this new hero you ask?

His name is Special Man.
Now, here are some of his abilities and such…He can never be hit because he’s like, transparent, translucent and intagible, but for some reason he can touch whatever he wants. He is super strong and super smart. His only weakness is that he has to ingest 7 pints of melted gold mixed with chocolate syrup, and he must do this willingly, otherwise it won’t work. The weapon he is trained with and has mastered is his enchanted pen-knife. That’s it, he always wins every fight, he can’t lose, no one can argue. Peace.