The Birthday Massacre F*cking Rocks!

Published by M2J under Raves on January 25, 2008

This was an awesome show! I had a blast, the set was great, everything sounded good…man was it super! Their crowd is growing, I really hope these guys see a large sum of success really soon, I want them to be around for a while. Everyone there was nodding their heads to the beat and singing along. The best part of the night, however, came right before the show, where as chance would have it, I passed by Chibi (the lead singer) chilling outside! I tried to play cool, but was actually like star struck. It almost seemed surreal. I told her that the album was wonderful and (this is not a lie either) Walking With Strangers is the first album I have listened to from start to finish on a regular basis since Michael Jackson’s Thriller. It took a moment to hit me what was actually taking place, but I finally remembered that I had a camera in my pocket!

THAT is definitely M2J Style!
(Birthday Massacre’s Myspace)

The Death of a Salesman

Published by M2J under Rants on January 23, 2008

Yeah, although the name is shamelessly pirated, that’s exactly what this is. In the realm of sales, I lived by an alias of a person who no longer exists. I have so much to say, but want to truncate it for fear of simply rambling too much. The best way to organize my thoughts is categorically, so here goes…

The Workplace:

This dingy, dirty, disgusting warehouse that we worked at was located neighboring a cemetery…yeah, really nice view through the windows which would not open in a room with no immediate fire exit, violating safety codes mind you. Anyhow, getting to work was a trip, because there was a very limited amount of transportation that could actually take you there. The best part is these rare and hard to spot enigmas usually ran on no regular schedule…meaning you could easily be late. Showing up so much as a minute late prompted a response from management with a serious and stern look in your direction followed up with a condescending question with no right answer, “What happened?” There is no right answer to this question, have fun with it, say there was a gun fight and you were almost killed. The best part is the rules get more and more ridiculous as time goes on. One mouse or bug is spotted in the workplace, and we have mandatory face to face meetings with management urging us that we can’t eat at our desks. A week earlier, we are told we can’t take lunch unless it is at a specific time. Forget about eating if you get hungry, because you can’t leave your desk and you can’t eat at it. Starve, and do a good job. Better yet, when it’s busy, work an extra day. If it’s really slow, screw you, sit at your desk and make no money. As salesmen, we work on commission, which brings me to our next topic, customers.

Customers:

My God, how I wanted to say this so many times to the general population of customers out there: FUCK YOU! Yeah, that’s right. If you have ever called a call center, spoken to a salesmen in a store, or ever bothered anyone in your life, a waiter, attendant, paper boy…you should rot in hell. So many times I dealt with someone who had no intention of buying, and acted like I owed it to them to do their bidding. “The customer is always right” bullshit has got to stop. Let me give you people a nice piece of information, if you have ever done the following, you’re regarded as an idiot: Asked a representative a question twice, asked a question twice in a different way, asked for a break on price, acted like you knew how the system worked, acted like you could make no mistakes, asked for a price-match (more on those later), referred yourself as a good customer, answered any questions no one asked, put a rep. on hold for more than 1 minute, asked questions that you really aren’t listening to answers about, pretended you were going to buy to get more help, called to complain about a representative that really didn’t do anything wrong, asked for a better price and were not even going to buy, …you know I could go on forever.

As far as the price matching or price breaks go, when you work on commission, if you discount anything, it’s money out of your pocket. All you people who have wanted your “fair price” are cheats. You should have bad karma, and if anything bad happened to you around the time you did that and you asked God why…now you know why. The worst part about being a salesman at this place was that you couldn’t even tell customers you’re on commission. If someone calls up and is wasting your time, you can’t even get rid of them. You people (some of you) are maggots and should be stomped out of existence accordingly. I hope you know who you are and maybe knock it off starting right now.

Management:

These fucking guys … what a joke. They have secured a half-way decent job and cover their asses by looking to pick you off at the first sign of slipping on anything. Their job was to threaten you and keep you scared. You’d pretty much discover that they were all bipolar or schizophrenic. You never knew which of the manager’s personalities you were going to speak to. Each month, we were rated based on a number of categories…like a million of them. If your numbers slipped on one of them, it was a huge deal. We would actually receive write-ups (you know, like in High School) about these “slips.” Being that we get numerous calls of all sorts, you would think one would accept that this isn’t a science, and can’t be treated as such. They would play number games, generating percentages and holding it against you, of course if you made a mistake once, they didn’t weigh percentages then, they chewed you out. If you didn’t perform to their standards, which were completely subjective on a person to person basis, you would be threatened with being pushed down to a lower shift, suspensions, even terminations…yes, you could be fired for not selling enough warranties. Think about that next time you buy a TV or something and you’re offered a warranty. If you can afford it, just fucking buy it. You haven’t the slightest idea how hard you’re making a salesman’s life. This is why salesman try so hard to get you to buy shit that you usually don’t want. If they don’t move enough merchandise, they find themselves leaving a dirty warehouse in the middle of nowhere at 9 PM on a Sunday night every week. Ultimately if they didn’t like you, usually they couldn’t fire you unless you committed some outlandish behavior. They would just make your life hell until you quit.

My Co-workers:

You bond with your mates very fast because you all feel like a team being treated like garbage. A few salesmen will stab you in the back, but for the most part everyone sympathizes with you. You’re one of the gang. The first time you get written-up, usually the gang will greet you with smiles and refer to your cherry-popping. People there are over-worked and under-appreciated. The people that are there for a long time are taken for granted. Many people there are just stuck there, and the company knows this, so they push you and threaten you and constantly make you feel like you’re nothing without them and they are doing you a huge favor by forcing you to come in 6 days a week, 9 hours a day. You would think that management would feel some pity, never. They all cower and the beckon call of the mighty owner, making a zillion times more money than the rest of the staff combined. As time goes on, benefits disappear. Insurance plans get worse, match 401K out the window because the company “isn’t doing so well,” and then you have to listen to the owners spew out that they’re having the greatest year ever!

I really could rant about this forever, but I’ll stop here and spare you all. The bottom line about a place like this is pretty basic: After a while, you look around and realize there is no room for growth. My life was frozen virtually while I was there. I progressed zero in all that time. I found myself 3 years older and just angrier. Maybe work universally sucks, most people will agree, but work can suck Monday through Friday 9-5, not 9 hours on weekends, nights, and holidays, thank you.

DLP DualView – Way Too Much, Way Too Late

Published by M2J under Rants on January 17, 2008

I also posted this one on BWOAK. Texas Instruments has come up with a technology that allows for one TV to show individual gamers each a different screen via special glasses (along with the special TV). This is a technology they call “DLP DualView.” At the right price, this would be a great idea. At the moment, it’s stupid – here’s why.

The TV: This piece was quoted at CES as costing $1899. Bare in mind this is a DLP TV for later. Apparently there are two ways to use the TV. The first is that it can create 3D video by displaying dual images and the glasses would sort it out (which you can do with regular sets anyway) and the other is that it will filter out one of the video feeds so you can only see one (again via the glasses). The idea is that people look on your screen and use info that they would not realistically have access to to aid them. Some people call this cheating, I think it also can be classified as what’s called “meta-gaming.” No now instead of being able to do that, you’d get a jumble on the screen, something like what is pictured below. Is this really that useful?

The Glasses: $199 – with the hope that it will come down to $99 at some point. So right of the bat, for this to make any sense at all, you need two pairs of these, $498. So we’re roughly at $2400 dollars. Now wear the glasses, you feel like an idiot.

Oh yeah, you’ll have to have two game consoles. Let’s play the devil’s advocate and say that your friend is going to lug his over for this event, despite the simple labor of this being annoying. Now Player 3 shows up, “Hey guys can I play?” Nope! So this technology is useful if you only hang out with one person at a time who has the same game console and game as you…and feels like bringing it over. Or…here’s an alternative to what you can do with that same $2400 dollars…

You can buy 2 flat panel plasma TVs. Let’s go with the Panasonic TH-42PX75U, which I just found on Amazon for $1099. Two of them, $2200. DLP technology was great when it was the affordable alternative to big-screen flat panels. The price of plasmas and LCDs has dropped significantly in the last few years, many DLP manufacturers have fled the DLP (or any other projection) TV market all together. I selected plasma for the sake of this example since I feel it is simply the best picture there is. Moving right along, now you have two displays and you can feel like a king. Now you have $200 dollars left still. You and your one friend can have a nice meal together at a fancy restaurant for like $100. Maybe you can buy a new game on the way home…and then because this advice was so helpful donate the remaining $50 to us!

Cool Free Apps and Alternatives that You May Not Know Exist

Published by M2J under Friendly Advice on January 13, 2008

Everybody should know by now, that if it’s not M2J Style, it’s not in style. Well a lot of you folks use stuff that you don’t need to use, or don’t use stuff you wish you had or don’t even know exists. These are apps that are useful to just about anyone, or simply better versions of something you use already.

Video Players: So there’s a lot of video formats out there now and usually any given player only can play 2 or 3 of them. Usually this player is well known, but in case you’ve never heard of it before, there’s a program called VLC, which has built-in codecs for just about any video format you throw at it and a slew of options to optomize playback and performance. There is also a competing product out there called GOM. It is a very similar application and ever bit as useful. Take your pick.

Music: Boy there are a lot of music players out there now. Winamp was the best, but now it sucks. I recommend foobar2000. It has a very similar interface, with some excellent customization settings. It plays a greater variety of file formats and the tabbed playlists rock.

A neat little trick: You can install something called “Real Alternative” on your machine, which allows Real Media files to be played on Windows Media Player, instead of having to get the actual Real Player and ruining your computer. There is also a Quicktime version of this as well, but I have had less luck with it over the past few months.

For an Instant Message Program: There’s a darling universal app for this called Pidgin. Unlike AIM, Yahoo, Google Talk, it does not suck, but you can use any of those services. I suggest you try it and stop using whatever stupid program you’re using.

Zip Files: Use 7-zip, simple as that.

Web Browser: You’re not still using that old Firefox, are you? Flock is such a cool browser and has so many useful utilities built right in. You facebook, flickr, blogging and youtube junkies will take note of this immediately.

Torrents: µTorrent (“µ” is actually a character which means “micro,” but is generally referred to as “U” to make things simple.) Amazing little app, light and full of little features which I find to be very important.

PDF Readers: Yeah, you don’t have to use Adobe Reader, since…you know…it sucks. Foxit is a way better method. Unlike Adobe Reader, it’s light and doesn’t crash every friggin’ time you run it. Oh yeah, it also doesn’t install all this crap you don’t want all over the place.

PDF Writers: You can also create your own documents in this format by using CutePDF. Once installed, it basically shows up as a printer, which you can select for print and it will save to this format.

Well, this is just stuff I use frequently. I dunno if there are any big ones I’m forgetting. Mayhaps I have suggested one over the years that you may want to remind me of. I hope someone out there finds at least one app here new and/or useful. Just for the sake of looking cool, I popped the icons for all these apps down below, which are also links to said apps.

Customer Guidelines

Published by M2J under Rants on January 3, 2008

Although I have complained about customers in the past, this rant is more of a plea to ask that they (possibly you) just learn how to act as a customer. Too often customers come at you from the wrong angle, behave radically, or just act like jerks. Part of the problem is most of you have no concept of what being on the other side is like. Frankly, whichever comedian who ever said that everyone should work retail or wait tables as a job at least once is absolutely right. Hopefully this will enlighten you. I have accumulated some backup for this adventure however. The famous Denis K. who ranted about bad drivers now joins me as a fellow salesman…well former salesman, heh. To make the compiling of this work easier to follow, all M2J sections are in red, and all Denis K. shall be plain.

As a salesman I can tell you that if you contact a call center or walk into a retail store and speak to a salesman, in the sales department…sales, retail, and you don’t want to buy anything, you’re an idiot. Regardless of how justified you think you are, no, you are regarded as an idiot.

Although technically not a barter system, we still live in an environment where exchanges take place. People trade their money for goods and services of others. Smart business owners realized that they could merge these and trade money for goods and services. This has led to the initiation of salesmanship. These salesmen provided their service in order to sell a good. This is the basis of economy.

While most people realize that they need a salesman to aid them, the predominant majority has no clue on how to act in front of them and what they should or should not say. The salesmen contribute to the economy by being a means of currency redistribution but the general public still insists on their mannerless interactions.

I would really like to complain about assholes who fucking pump you for information and then either will buy somewhere else, or ask you to match a price of a so-called “competitor.” If they were really competition you would have bought from them. Part of what you’re paying for, at least what need to realize you’re paying for, is the service part of the equation. Do you like being able to call up anytime you want and ask 1000 questions? Try that shit at a Best Buy or any of these bullshit Internet retailers that you would never even buy from, none-the-less call up.

People seem to think that salesmen are there only to take their money and do nothing further. But what they do not realize is that treating them as such is counterproductive—especially when there is something that they need. However, when they need something, they will not let any of the salesman’s constraints stop them from asking a barrage of questions.

Yes, salesmen are there to make money off of commissions from the products they sell to their customers but that does not mean that the customer has to point that out. Especially in an industry with return customers, it is in the salesman’s best interest to do their best by the customer. However, certain people feel it is their duty, nay their goal in life, to point this out. In actuality, this is quite counterproductive as instead of thwarting the salesman’s tactics, it invites more. The salesman will have no desire to help such a customer—even if it costs them their commissions. A close relative of the aforementioned problem is the customer who finds it necessary to insult the salesman. Unless provoked, the customer has no reason to do this. Again, it is counterproductive. Insulting a person whose job it is to take your money is inviting displeasure.

Another type of customer we can do without is a rude one. There are several varieties of this nuisance, be it one who shows no respect to the salesman or one who criticizes everything that is said and done. A customer who does not even bother to say a simple hello or a different greeting of their choosing is rude. He simply goes into his shtick about needing help or having a question he needs answered. Another further type of this customer is one when asked “How can I help you?” responds with something that does not even remotely begin to answer such a question. Instead of actually explaining what they need help with, they cast doubt on the salesman by saying “I certainly hope so!” There is not much to expect from this jewel of a customer. His time is simply more important!

The above mentioned somewhat rings a bell of “The Prick” customer whom I have mentioned before. Treating people like they’re beneath you when you want their help is a huge mistake. If they are really beneath you, you wouldn’t need their help. Snap out of it. You catch more flies with sugar than vinegar.

It is extremely rude (and I cannot stress that enough) to hang up on a over-the-phone salesman because you were not satisfied with the answer. That is akin to walking away from a salesman right in front of you because the device in mind does not meet some sort of convoluted objective that the customer has made up. Even if not satisfied, a customary “thank you” is in order. Acting as such ensures that on your trip back, the salesman will do their best to not help you as much as they can.

People who act in this manner are bullies. Unfortunately this isn’t grade-school and a salesman isn’t able to respond by socking this customer in the face. I remember a quote I once read that went something to the tune of, “Anyone you think is a nice person, but isn’t nice to waiters, isn’t a nice person.” This is applies to salesman and any other similar line of work as well.

As previously mentioned, most salesman have no need to lie. It would follow that the customer would not need to lie as well. To the salesman’s hindrance, that is not always the case. Since salesmen work with people every day, hours at a time, it is not to the customer’s benefit to flat out lie. Even over-the-phone salesmen can pinpoint liars and fibbers. Lying ensures an inferior service as an appropriate product is not selected nor is the salesman able to provide worthwhile advice.

I would like to throw in a slight amendment to this. If you as a customer are ever stupid enough to ask a question like, “Is this product good?” the answer is always yes, unless you are considering buying a more expensive item to begin with. A lot of people ask this question after they are practically done with buying it. What salesman is ever going to say, “Actually no, let me refund your money and stop you from making a mistake and buying this.” “Good” can be a relative term people.

It is perfectly understandable to expect certain things from a salesman. It is not out of the ordinary to ask a salesman for a price match when it is a policy of the company. It is however a different thing when they demand such a thing. Most, if not all, of these people realize that some of the prices they see are ridiculously low. Ridiculously low to the extent that they cannot possibly be a legitimate price. But that does not stop they from wanting your superior service at a price fit only a phony company. Threatening the salesman is ill-advised, as is yelling and promising a law suit. If they want such a price, they can simply purchase it from where they have seen it. If trust does not exist, why should this price even be considered?

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Just like above, you really should understand why there’s such a price difference between retailers. You think it’s okay to buy from them? Buy from them!

I would also like to remind all of you idiots out there, have your shit ready when you call any call center for anything! You know when you pick up the phone and call a center for whatever reason and get hit with a long hold time? Assholes like you are why that happens. Do salesmen a favor while you’re at it, don’t call up a sales line unless you want to buy something. Don’t start your research by effectively asking a salesman to do it for you. Do your own research, narrow your own selection. You’re a grown up for God sakes! You’ll find that you’ll not only be able to answer your own questions with just a little bit of research, but you’ll actually learn something in the process, that my friends is priceless. At the end of the research process, take your credit card out and perhaps have one or two questions ready. After the questions have been answered by the experts that you called for help, buy the item and pay full price!

Just remember, when you go into a retail situation as a customer, don’t be a dick. You’re dealing with some poor chap trying to make a living and get through the rat race just like you. Think about what you’re asking of someone, especially if their livelihood depends on you buying something and you waste their time knowing you’re not going to. You wouldn’t be happy if you were forced by some idiot to take unpaid time off of work for no reason. Believe me folks, if I ever run into you in a retail store giving the staff a hard time … they can’t say anything to you, but you better believe I will!